9-08-2013
How afraid I am every time he says he loves me……..
Buoy…what if he means it; I am in soup. I am not ready for commitment yet. That expectations game will shackle me. That’s not the life I have thought for myself. I am a free bird and don’t want to change my status. I love my independence. No strings attached please.
Holy Cow, what if he is lying, I don’t want to be fooled. He didn’t mean anything he said all the while?????? Entwined in my own thoughts, I spent all those precious years of my life, thinking nobody had ever loved me and nobody will ever love me. I am not that lovable and I cannot be tricked.
Fact is not just one but hundred and thousands of people love us; just that they are not able to reach us always the way we want and tell us how much we mean to them. Aww….. sho shweet… you are so cute and there you get a spontaneous hug. O’ teacher you are so caring and there follows a beeeeg smile, I love your smile lady..another way to share how lovable you are and do I have a chance;-). Was I just ignoring all the people who loved me or was I running away knowing, I don’t have to get into this love trauma. Phew…..too difficult and vast a subject I would ever choose. I am happy. No, the happiest; as I choose my independence and not a source of love which is outside me. I love myself the most and happy no one can snatch this fact away or fool me.
When I was small and while all the years I grew, the thought were always consistent.
Love is an equation out of my syllabus……
